Book 8: Quiet
I can’t believe we are on book 8 already. How did that happen? I hope you all are having a wonderful summer and spending lots of time in the sunshine! This month’s book was titled Quiet, by Susan Cain (check out part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7 if you missed them) and it is one of those books that really hit home for me. In these reviews, I share a bit about each of these books, my thoughts, how many stars I’d give it (actually it is how many Jericho’s as I’m using his cute face in place of stars. ;) ), and what other books I've read that month. Throughout these pages, I found myself described in great detail and it stirred the desire in me to be okay with who God created me to be.
Title: Quiet
Author: Susan Cain
Genre: Non-Fiction | Self-Help
Page Count: 370
Short Synopsis: If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, this book is for you! Support by scientific studies, Susan goes into depth about the traits of each personality type, with her main focus being on how introverts can be powerful too. We live in a world that idealizes extroverts, but sometimes those quiet folks, spending time by themselves, can make the biggest difference.
As always, there are benefits and drawbacks for each type, but when we learn to harness the strengths of our type, specifically introversion, we can reveal that there is someone who is just as smart and powerful beneath the surface.
My Thoughts: This book really hits home for me because I first stumbled upon it when I was just learning about myself being an introvert. While, I didn’t actually finish it at the time, it still left a big impression on my life and allowed me to begin the process of accepting that I was an introvert. This go-around, I did read the entire book and it changed my life.
I constantly found myself agreeing with what Susan described, regarding the characteristics and temperaments of introverts. This book really allowed me to see who I was, how I was created, and to be okay with that. I learned why certain childhood events were uncomfortable for me and am learning that it is okay to tell people “no, I don’t want to hang out today.” While it isn’t always easy declining social invites to instead stay home and read a book, I am getting better about not feeling guilty if that doesn’t appeal to me.
First off, there are two main ways to distinguish if you are an introvert.
How you recharge.
After a long day, would you rather go home to the quiet solitude of your home and relax or would you rather get together with a bunch of friends to de-stress? The answer to this question is a good indicator of whether you’re an introvert or extrovert. Typically, introverts recharge their battery, so to say, by spending time by themselves or with one or two close friends. Being around large groups of people drains them of their energy, so some quiet, alone time is in order. Extroverts, on the other hand, recharge their battery by being around others. This is what energizes them and makes them feel their best.
Optimal level of stimulation.
Similar to how you recharge is determining what your optimal level of stimulation is. How much environmental stimulation makes you feel comfortable. For an introvert, hearing loud noises, being around big crows, and having to hold a shallow conversation are all situations that can quickly become overstimulating. Instead, they might prefer, a quiet coffee shop, with one close friend, where they can have a deep and meaningful conversation. Extroverts may thrive and be content in the loud and busy environment while being in a quiet coffee shop would under-stimulate them. By determining what level of stimulation is best for you, you can begin to recognize when an environment is too over- or under-stimulating, and then create the environment that is perfect for you.
Introverts
Work slowly
Work more deliberately
Single-focus
Very skilled at concentrating on one task
Prefer listening to talking
Few, but quality, friends
Suffer fewer exercise related accidents
Extroverts
Work quickly
Fast decision maker
Multi-tasking
Risk-taking
Prefer talking to listening
Many friends
Commit adultery and divorce more often
“Probably the most common - and damaging - misunderstanding about personality type is that introverts are anti-social and extroverts are pro-social. But as we’ve seen, neither formulation is correct; introverts and extroverts are differently social. ”
I remember being at a church gathering and somehow the topic of introversion came up. One of the men in the group told me that I am definitely an extrovert because I can be social and have a conversation with people. I don’t act shy, so therefore I must be extroverted; there’s no way I could be an introvert. I believe that most people have a misconception about introverts. Often times people associate introverts with being shy and extroverts with being outgoing. Therefore if you’re not shy, you must be an extrovert. Let’s make one thing clear. Introverts aren’t necessarily shy. They aren’t synonymous with each other, although they do often overlap. “Shyness is the fear of social disapproval or humiliation, while introversion is a preference for environments that are not overstimulating. Shyness is inherently painful; introversion is not.” When you see someone in a social setting, most often you’re seeing them as a true extrovert or a closet introvert, which is those who are naturally introverted, but force themselves to be extroverted to their peers, and they often go undetected.
I like to think of the solution as a quadrant. Imagine a box broken down into four smaller boxes. In the top two boxes are the labels introvert and extrovert, while in the bottom two boxes are the labels shy and outgoing. The top boxes are separate from the bottom boxes, but you can be a mix of these. You can be introverted and outgoing, introverted and shy, extroverted and outgoing, or extroverted and shy. Introversion does not equal being shy, just as extroversion does not equal being outgoing.
“‘The evangelical culture ties together faithfulness with extroversion,’ McHugh explained. ‘The emphasis is on community, on participating in more and more programs and events, on meeting more and more people.”
Another two big misconceptions about introversion/extroversion is that those who speak more are often considered smarter and those who outwardly express themselves are more well-liked. This misconceptions are in part due to how our culture favors extroverts; having open office plans, working in teams, favoring the loud and outgoing public speakers, loud worship music during church, expecting church members to pray out loud and raise their hands, etc.. While none of these are inherently bad, these are things that introverts aren’t always comfortable doing, but it doesn’t make them less smart or less involved in the experience.
It wasn’t until reading this book that I understood why I (thought I) didn’t feel as connected to God, during worship. I would see my friends closing their eyes, lifting their hands in surrender and seeming so in-tune with the music. I used to think that they were more spiritual than I was because they expressed it outwardly. Now I understand that just because I don’t raise my hands up for everyone to see, doesn’t mean I am worshipping any less or that I am not that spiritual. I just don’t always feel comfortable outwardly expressing myself in that way, and there is nothing wrong or shameful of that.
This year, I took an online evangelism class from Portland Bible College and I learned that there are many different styles and types of evangelism. I no longer have to conform to one way to talk about Jesus with others. I can do it in a way that is true to myself and others may even connect better that way. For me this is relationally. I would much rather sit down one-on-one over a cup of coffee than stand on a street-corner trying to get in a conversation with strangers. As a kid I felt bad that I never wanted to do this like others in my church. Now I know why. God didn’t create me, an introvert, to evangelize that way. He created me to be more soft-spoken and gentle with my approach, developing a relationship over time, and reaching those who may only respond with a quiet spirit.
“Why shouldn’t quiet be strong? And what else can quiet do that we don’t give it credit for?”
As an introvert, it is important to be in-tune with your needs, but it is also important to challenge yourself and make compromises if you’re in a relationship with an extrovert. For example, you could tell yourself that you’ll go to one networking event and one social event a week. Once you’ve hit your quota, you do not need to feel bad for declining other invitations. While at the networking or social event, you can find one or two people to connect with as opposed to having to talk with everybody and becoming overwhelmed.
All this to say, whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, you should embrace who you were created to be. God placed you on this earth, with a certain personality, and certain characteristics, because He knew only you could reach certain people!
Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Tell me in the comments!
My Rating:
Other Books I Read in August: The Valedictorian of Being Dead | Brain on Fire | Double Fudge Brownie Murder | Wedding Cake Murder | Lemon Meringue Pie Murder
